


Ninety-Nine Point Three Percent

by jimtiberiuskirk



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cliches abound, M/M, Pining, boys being stupid, seriously i warned you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimtiberiuskirk/pseuds/jimtiberiuskirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The problem is, is that Patrick is 99.3% sure that Jonny knows all about his giant, embarrassing man-crush on him.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ninety-Nine Point Three Percent

Patrick Kane is _so_ gone for Jonathan Toews, and he doesn't even know why. It's like - Patrick doesn't really have a _type_. He pretty much goes for anyone that'll give him the time of day, but Jonny isn't exactly his first pick. If Patrick has a by-the-book definition of his _type_ , you'll probably find someone totally hot like Brooklyn Decker or Bar Refaeli gracing the pages, _not_ fucking Jonathan Toews. These days though, it's looking more and more likely to see that dumb Canadian's robot face staring back at you, _smug_ and obnoxious and so full of bullshit.

The problem is, is that Patrick is 99.3% sure that Jonny knows all about his giant, embarrassing man-crush on him. Patrick counted at least seven times that Jonny stared right at Patrick and licked his lips, eyes locked  _right_ on Patrick's. Yeah, granted Jonny was actually in a conversation with him at the time, but still. Locked  _right on him_ . That motherfucker knew exactly what he was doing - bedroom eyes like he was shooting for GQ or something. One time, Patrick had to excuse himself to the bathroom and he actually considered jerking off - in the public bathroom of some grotty fast food place with zero toilet paper and a seriously suspicious crack in the wall. But, I mean, Patrick is a seventeen year old boy with no control, so it probably wouldn't have been the grossest thing he's ever done. Teenage boys, as a whole, are pretty fucking gross.

Sometimes, lying in bed at night and palming his dick, Patrick comes up with sure fire ways to make Jonny realise Patrick is a certified Sex God and definitely worth boning - five ways, in fact. In reality, Patrick Kane is not a certified Sex God but rather a certified Coward, and he would rather willingly lose at like, minigolf or whatever to T.J fucking Oshie than fess up. Besides, Patrick is a firm believer in what happens, will happen. He's been involved in too many of Erica's screwed up schemes at getting what she wants to hatch up one of his own plans - it'll probably fail epically, and Jonny may ride off with Broshie into the sunset. If Jonny is ever going to have a romantic comedy moment, it's going to be with _him._

  


  


"Are you - are you seriously writing your phone number on that wall?" Jonny raises his eyebrows and looks at Patrick so judgementally Patrick thought a gavel was going to appear out of nowhere. Jonny would look pretty fucking hilarious with one of those old school judge's wigs on his head. He should suggest it to Jonny for their next Halloween. Jesus. It would be _great._

"Yeah, dude," Patrick says, trying to draw a pair of lips next to the end of his phone number but erasing it out and settling on a series of _x's_ instead. "Got to grab at any opportunity."

"You are going to be kidnapped and killed," Jonny says. "Maybe even eaten. If you're lucky you'll be killed by Hannibal from that new T.V show, his dishes look _so_ fucking good."

"Haven't seen it," Patrick mutters. "Is it on at the same time as _Dance Moms_?"

Jonny rolls his eyes. "Jesus."

"I think that _you're_ being a little bit pretentious," Patrick replies, leaning back against the wall after finishing his handiwork.

"Always," Jonny says smoothly.

Patrick snorts. "I bet you've got like, three obscure French magazines in your bag right now to prove it."

" _Two_ actually," Jonny corrects. He lifts his cigarette to his mouth and inhales, making Patrick look away hurriedly. Jonny looks really, _really_ hot when he's smoking, it's ridiculous. Patrick's dad used to be a smoker, and it's not like he ever found it hot or anything. (Because, ew.) But Jonny makes it look effortless, like he's a fucking black and white movie star and he's entertaining his femme fatale. Which is super unfair, because Jonny is _seventeen_. He should be all gangly and awkward and acne-ridden. Curse Jonny's smooth skin, seriously. Patrick has all this acne on the top of his forehead he hopes his hair covers. (It doesn't.)

"When are you going to be done with your teenage rebellion, dude?" Patrick says, laughing.

"Uh, when I'm done being a teenager I guess?" Jonny says, looking at Patrick like he's an idiot. (He does this a lot, actually, Patrick is intimately familiar with this look.) "I just like it."

"Okay, whatever," Patrick says, shrugging. "Look - you want to come with me to a party tonight? I was meant to go with Sharpy  but he's got some date or whatever so -"

"So you want me to be your date?" Jonny says with an unsmiling face, and for a minute there Patrick thinks he's actually being _serious_. Like Jonny would actually want to go out with Patrick, with his terrible hair and terrible skin and terrible music taste.

"Uh -" Patrick begins.

"Don't strain yourself, Kaner," Jonny says, then abruptly laughs. "Yeah, I'll go."

"Cool," Patrick supplies. "I'll pick you up at like, eight?"

" _Like_ eight, or eight, Patrick?" Jonny says, _looking_ at him again. "I mean, you gotta be specific, because I have to plan -"

"Sometimes, Jonny, I really don't know whether you're being serious or not." Patrick shakes his head. "You are a fucking puzzle. And not even one of those good puzzles where like, the whole family gets in on it. You're like one of those lameass academic crosswords where if you get stuck on a clue you can ring up the hotline for ninety-nine cents."

Jonny pauses for a long while. "Are you making a crack at my stellar grades?"

"What?" Patrick says. " _No_. I'm making a crack at how lame you are."

Jonny blows out his smoke at Patrick's face.

"God, you're _such_ an asshole," Patrick says, unable to stop a grin from erupting on his face. He shoves his shoulders into Jonny's, and Jonny shoves back, and then Patrick has this unfortunate realisation - Jonny is _it_ for him right now. Patrick has other friends, guys on the team and in his classes, but none of them even _touch_ Jonny. Patrick's pretty sure that he could _just_ see Jonny and have it be enough for him, which is, all in all, goddamn scary. So it wasn't enough that he wanted to touch Jonny's dick every time he smiled at him, but Jonny was now also Patrick's Best Friend. Fantastic.

"So, I'll see you tonight, yeah?" Patrick says, edging away from Jonny. Jonny's hand was crazy close to where Patrick's was, with just the marker Patrick used to write on the wall between them. "Wear something snazzy."

" _Snazzy_?" Jonny repeats. "Kaner. You're such a dork."

"A dork?" Patrick says, grinning. "I definitely said that _ironically_. A concept you're familiar with, I'm sure. Wasn't it just the other day you said that you uh, watched Jersey Shore _ironically_?"

"Fuck off, Kaner," Jonny says, sulking. "You just caught me while I was channel surfing, alright?"

"Alright, bro," Patrick says, grinning so hard it hurt. "See ya."

Wow, Patrick thinks, climbing into his car and realising belatedly he reeks of smoke. He's been dropped into a chapter of a Young Adult novel, except a really, really gay one. Patrick would be more cut up about that, except for the fact he _loves_ Young Adult novels. It hit all his soft-side-kinks - out-of-her-league guy, pining, realisation, love, the idea that Love at this age is not a lost concept but rather one that exists and thrives. Patrick tried to read a book aimed at adults once, but they took a cheap shot at how teenage love wasn't _real_ or something and he closed it immediately. I mean, you wanna tell Patrick that his insane desire to bang Jonny and then afterwards cuddle and make awesome pancakes for him isn't _real_? Fuck you very much.

Oh. Patrick has been sitting in the car park for god knows how long now. He tries not to turn his head to see if Jonny is still there, maybe staring at him, and he starts the engine. He is _so_ gone for that French-speaking asshole.

  


  


 "Kaner!"

Sharpy is another Grade-A asshole, and Patrick  _never_ lets him forget it. It helps, of course, that Patrick and Sharpy share a first name, which fostered a bond when they were like seven that has never really dissolved. Sharpy is one of Patrick's favourites, so he lets him shove a red cup in his hand and steer him towards the party, Jonny tailing him loosely.

"What's up?" Patrick says. He takes a sip of the beer and mentally readjusts his expectations of alcohol - if he tells his mind that this alcohol is _acceptable_ , then maybe he'll start believing it. He takes another sip and his mind is seriously doubting itself.

"I'd like you to meet someone!" Sharpy yells, a little too loud because _okay_ the music is not on that loud. "This is Abby!"

Abby is gorgeous and seems to be really into Sharpy, judging from the smile that spreads across her face and the fact that she hardly even glances at Patrick. Which is fine, Patrick guesses, he's used to it. (Sharpy is attractive in a league above Patrick's, but it had never really bothered Patrick. Patrick has a pretty kicking personality.)

"Hey," Abby says, finally looking over to Patrick. "Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too," Patrick says. "I guess I know now why Sharpy has _actually_ been carrying his phone around with him. You know it only took him _twenty_ minutes for him to reply to me the other day? Freaking record, I think."

"Really?" Abby says, looking disbelieving. "He replies to me straight away."

Patrick settles his gaze on Sharpy, lips twitching. "Oh, really?"

"Hey, Kaner, didn't you bring your boy?" Sharpy looks a little pained.

"My boy?" Patrick repeats. "Oh. You mean Jonny?"

"Who else?" Sharpy says, staring at Patrick incredulously.

"Yeah, I better go see where he's gotten to," Patrick replies, checking his phone.  No new messages. "God, what kind of shit are they playing?"

Sharpy gives Patrick another _look_. "Wow, Tazer's sure rubbed off on you, man."

"Oh, fuck off," Patrick shoots back. He says goodbye to Abby and a well-meaning warning to keep on eye on Sharpy, and departs off into the crowd. He finishes off his first beer, grabbing another cup pronto, because Patrick isn't an alcoholic or anything but he does like his alcohol. Liquid courage man - it makes Patrick feel keyed up and like he can do more than he really should, which in some situations can be really dangerous, but in most situations just means Patrick dances more embarrassingly than anyone should be subject to. It's cool though, he has a hold of himself. He knows his limit.

Jonny's sitting on the couch, frowning at his phone and looking like someone just told him he couldn't play hockey anymore - that's how shitty the look on his face was right now. Patrick goes over there, flopping down next to him and watching as Jonny hurriedly chucks his phone back in his pocket.

"You alright, man?" Patrick says.

"Yeah," Jonny says. "Just an ex - you remember Jessica, right?"

Patrick makes a face. "Man every time you say that it makes me think you're dating my sister."

"Jessica? Isn't she like, fifteen?"

"Yeah but, dude, I caught this documentary on the other day about teenage pregnancy and it was fucking terrifying. Like, this one chick was twelve and having a baby?" Patrick fake-shivers. "I recorded it and made Erica and Jess watch it with me."

Jonny laughs. "And how did they react?"

"They thought I was overreacting and Erica hit me saying she could take care of herself and make her own goddamn decisions." Patrick shrugs. "Whatever."

This time, Jonny smiles kind of weirdly - it isn't his amused smile or forced smile, it's like...softer. And it makes  Jonny look less deserving of the nickname Captain Serious, which Patrick thinks is a miracle, because he nearly always looks deserving of the nickname Captain Serious.

Patrick clears his throat, extremely self-aware of this weird tension in between them. "Uh. You get a drink?"

"Not yet," Jonny says slowly. "Better make it something harder, though."

Just hearing Jonny say the word _harder_ does something to Patrick's insides, which is so weak. Since when does Patrick get turned on by someone saying the word _hard_ in a non-sexual context? Oh yeah, since it was fucking Jonny that said it.

"Yeah?" Patrick says, "bad news from Jessica or something?"

"She's just being shitty," Jonny says, shrugging. "Sending me Snapchats of her and her new boyfriend making out and shit. Who does that, right?"

"Ugh," Patrick says. "I _hate_ Snapchat."

Jonny gives Patrick an incredulous look. "This morning you sent me a Snapchat of yourself singing _Timber._ "

Patrick sniffs indignantly. "My Snapchats are fucking entertaining, and you know it."

"Yesterday afternoon you sent me a Snapchat of a close up on your nipple."

"It definitely got your motor running," Patrick says. "Anyway, just because your Snapchat game is so sad. I mean, snaps of your food? Who the fuck cares that you're drinking a Wheatgrass smoothie, you health junkie?"

"It was _meant_ to encourage you to eat better," Jonny says.

"You _smoke_."

"I'm quitting," Jonny says. "I decided just then. I'm quitting, and I'm going to be the healthiest motherfucker you know, and I'm going to force you to eat every failed healthy savoury muffin I make. I'll force feed you." Captain Serious's face was back. "I'll hold a gun to your head."

Patrick laughed so hard. "You're a psycho. You really have been watching too much of _Hannibal_."

"You're missing out."

"Come on, man, let's go find you some vodka." Patrick gets off the couch, dragging Jonny's fat ass (really nice ass in reality) behind him. "I bet I can find the good stuff. I can _sniff_ out vodka." He tapped his nose. "Scent of a bloodhound."

"You are ridiculous," Jonny says. "I can't believe I'm even friends with you. Why am I friends with you?"

Patrick leans in close to Jonny, heart beating quickly at the proximity. He's not even drunk _at all_ , but Eminem is playing in the background  - any Eminem is his _jam_ \- and everyone around them are drunk or high and he feels like this is the right thing to do. "I'm the only one that stands up to you, asshole."

He says this playfully, jokingly, but they both know it's true. Jonny and Patrick are the most competitive people they _both_ know, and it's like, they never put up with each other's shit. Patrick gets away with so much - more than he should - because he steers people away from things he screws up. But Jonny is there to tell him how terrible he is, how much he could do better, and it's helped Patrick _so much_ over the years. He pulls Patrick back and catches him and forces him to push himself further and he didn't know how much he needed it. Jonny's been so good for Patrick. It makes this whole in-lust thing even worse, truth be told.

"You mean I'm the only one who puts up with your crap," Jonny says, the corner of his mouth quirked up.

"If by _putting up with my crap_ means yelling at me all the time," Patrick grumbles. "Seriously. You ever gonna let up on the ice?"

"On the _ice_?" Jonny says. "Never. You deserve it."

"Hey, so do you!" Patrick rebutts, scrambling around the kitchen for some of that precious, precious vodka. He can do with some too. Vodka is the bomb.

"You need to see I'm open more, yeah?" Jonny says, joining Patrick on the hunt. "Like, I'm right fucking there and you don't even want to pass." Jonny smirks. "You scared I'll steal your thunder?"

Patrick laughs sarcastically. "Ha-ha. I'm the teams top scorer, or did you forget that?"

Somewhere during their search, they end up close together, elbows bumping each other. Patrick _loves_ being close to Jonny, so he doesn't think much of it, at least until Jonny steps even closer, seemingly pinning Patrick to the counter and staring down at him with like, crazy Tazer eyes. Patrick's not _short_ , thank you very much, but he _is_ shorter than Jonny, and the height difference is actually leaving Patrick a little dizzy for once. He's all up in Patrick's personal space, which is giving Patrick ideas he should _not_ be having, at any time, and definitely not when Jonny's in close enough distance to kiss.  But as Patrick always says, he is 99.3% sure Jonny knows Patrick is into him in more than a bro way, so Jonny just stands there for a few seconds, looking down at him.

"Did you forget that _I'm_ your captain?"

And - holy shit. Jonny's never really pulled the Captain Card before outside of games, and it's really doing awesome things to Patrick. Like the idea of Jonny ordering him around in bed or something - God. That would be so great. Patrick probably wouldn't be so good at the taking orders thing, but it would be so hot to fucking push back, to push Jonny's control-freak boundaries until he just _takes_ and...Patrick's pretty sure he's half-hard.

Patrick leans one of his hands against Jonny's chest and pushes away, laughing. "Dude, you are so intense. Here. I think I found the vodka before you went all captain-y on me and shit."

Jonny moves away from Patrick because he's not a total dick, and watches as he pours some of that mixed-vodka stuff into his cup and shoves it into Jonny's hand. If Patrick's a little unstable while pouring, well, he's sure that Jonny doesn't notice.

"Drink up, Tazer." Patrick smirks. "I bet I can drink more than you."

And from then on, it's _on._

 

 

The day after Patrick is a little disappointed with himself for not pulling anything on Jonny at the party, but it would have been a little _too_ Young-Adult-Novel, even for him. He's sure he doesn't actually want to be anywhere close to drunk when he finally does do something about the whole Jonny Situation anyway. It's cool though, because Patrick's pretty sure they'll be tonnes more opportunities where he can lean over to Jonny and conduct a suave move . Like maybe in a movie theatre. Where it's dark, and no one has to see each other's faces. You know, that would definitely be an opportune time.

Patrick is still feeling a little off when Jonny shows up at his house at two, armed with something green and gross in his hand. It better be the King of all Hangover Cures, or Patrick's not letting any of that even near his mouth, no matter how much Jonny insists.

Twenty minutes later, Patrick is cursing Jonny and his wheatgrass juice to high heavens, feeling even more like he's going to throw up right on the rug his mother had picked out for him when he was nine. It's a really nice rug. _Too_ nice for there to be a vomit stain, Patrick reminds himself as he swallows the juice.

"This is the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted," Patrick says, "and once Sharpy's foot accidentally ended up in my mouth."

"Gross, dude," Jonny says, wrinkling up his face.

"Where are my savoury muffins?" Patrick whined. "You said _savoury muffins_ , not wheatgrass juice!"

"It's good for you," is all Jonny says. His face says serious, but his smug voice says _you're an idiot, Kaner. But you're_ my _idiot_.

"So," Patrick says, eying Jonny as he slumps into his armchair. "You feeling better after last night?"

" _Better_?" Jonny groans. "My head still hurts."

"Suck it up, baby," Patrick says somewhat cheerfully, perked up by the discovery that he was not alone in his suffering. If Canadian-robot Jonathan Toews was feeling the effects, then well, Patrick is _only_ human. "Did you throw up?"

"Nah," Jonny replies.

"There! That's the bright side," Patrick says. He feels like chucking the offending wheatgrass juice out of the window, but on the other hand it may scare the neighbours to see vile green liquid randomly pouring out of his second story room. He can always just blame it on Jackie, he guesses.

"You are such a loser," Jonny mutters, which - _wow, rude -_ but Patrick knows he's Jonny's favourite so maybe it's okay.

At that moment Patrick gets a text, which makes Patrick startle a little because he's not the biggest texter. The only people he really texts are Jonny and his sisters, and they're all in his house with him at the moment. Jonny leans over to grab Patrick's phone and _very rudely_ opens the text, staring at it incredulously before bursting out in such uncontrollable laughter that it makes  Patrick's jaw unhinge. Like, his mouth drops open unashamedly, which just _proves_ how weird this is. It's been a really weird week, Jesus.

"What the fuck is it?" Patrick says, reaching over to snatch it out of Jonny's thieving little hands. The text is already open, so Patrick is unprepared when he sees " _Heard u were up 4 a good time? ive got a big dick and i know how to use it. txt back if ur interested. ps. I don't pay."_

"Oh my God," Patrick says.

" _I don't pay_ ," Jonny says, in between wheezes. "Oh my God. _I don't pay_. Wow. That really clinches it. The only thing that would have made this better if he called. Can you just imagine what ' _I've got a big dick and I know how to use it'_ would have sounded from someone _totally serious?"_

And - no. What. Jonny repeats the text in a lower, gravelly voice, actually _sounding_ seductive. Patrick doesn't know this is possible. In what world can Jonathan Toews actually sound like he could be successful in seducing someone? And yeah, Patrick knows that he's had a few girlfriends, but he's always assumed that it's because Jonny's not a bad looking guy, and pretty fucking fit, and well, _Canadian_. Don't girls dig that whole polite thing? He hadn't actually ever seen Jonny try to pick up and well, now he kind of does. More specifically, he wants to see Jonny try to pick up _Patrick_. How would he do it? Patrick isn't just some girl at a party or in Jonny's chemistry class - Patrick was Jonny's best friend, and the rules must be different. Fuck.

"Well, you just said it and you sounded pretty serious," Patrick says weakly. "I mean, you always sound serious, so."

"Shut _up_ ," Jonny says, laughing. "This is the best thing that's happened to me today."

"It didn't happen to you asshole, it happened to me!"

"And aren't you proud of it, Kaner," Jonny teases. "So. Are you going to cash in that offer? He sounded pretty eager."

"How can you even _tell_ , God," Patrick says. "Anyway, not really my type."

"A dude, you mean?" Jonny says nonchalantly, and Patrick almost chokes.

"Yeah - I mean no - I mean, a _stranger_ ," Patrick settles on finally. Why is his heart beating fast again - this shit is really getting old. He's not even getting laid, and his stomach feels all funny. This conversation was going into pretty dangerous waters, but Patrick can totally manoeuvre it. Patrick may not be their team captain, but he is most definitely the Captain of his Own Destiny. (That sounded less lame from the mouth of that life motivational speaker he saw on TV. Actually it didn't. Not really.)

"Oh," Jonny says. "Okay."

He falls silent, and it makes Patrick feel awkward.

"Unless _you_ wanna take up on the offer, I mean..." Patrick says, dragging it out. Fuck, he wasn't the Captain of his Own Destiny. He wasn't even Captain of His Own Fucking Feelings.

"What?" Jonny says. He looks shocked. "That's not - no. Why would I do that?"

"I don't know," Patrick says, shrugging. "Maybe you need to fuck the memory of your ex away?"

Jonny laughs, strained. "That's not really how it works, Kaner. God, no wonder you've never had a girlfriend before."

"I so _have_ ," Patrick shoots back, and he _has_ , just none that lasted more than two weeks. He's only seventeen anyway, why did he need to have a girlfriend? Besides, he has Jonny, who fulfils most requirements of a girlfriend, except you know - the fun stuff. The sex stuff.

"Or a boyfriend," Jonny says, quieter this time, and now Patrick is really feeling like he's sinking.

It could go so many ways - Patrick could fucking deny being attracted to guys vehemently, like he could do some push-ups or something to prove to Jonny that he's the Manliest Man Ever (except Jonny is smart and he'd know you can be the Manliest Man Ever and still dig dudes) or he could laugh it off and change the subject or he could finally admit to Jonny that he _does_ like guys. Or one guy, in particular. He doesn't know what to do, and his fingers are twitching with it. It's not like he thinks Jonny will react badly or anything, but Patrick is scared that Jonny won't react _well_ either. And by _well_ , Patrick means jump him or confess his undying love to him or something. Patrick has high hopes, okay, and he's been putting it off by not making a move like _at all_.  It's a fairly self-destructive move, Patrick admits, especially because he spends like every day around the guy. But well. Patrick always deals with it. Except -

"Yeah," Patrick says. "Uh - never had a boyfriend before."

"Pat -"

"I mean, do you understand what I'm saying here, Jonny?" Patrick says, forcing himself to meet Jonny's stare. It's as fucking blank as it always is, and Patrick doesn't know what to make of it.

"Yeah..." Jonny stares back, not looking away from Patrick. Shit, this is really make-or-break. It will probably destroy Patrick for a long time if Jonny pushes him away. He may drink himself into oblivion or something. It's not like he can predict the future, but Patrick knows himself, and he knows he does some pretty shitty things when emotionally compromised.

" _Kaner_."

Jonny stands up from the armchair and moves to the bed where Patrick is, and he sits next to Patrick for a moment. It's creeping him out a little, to be honest, but he's used to Jonny being like this - focused and intense and _Patrick's_. Jonny is intense in so many areas of his life - hockey, school, relationships. But Patrick likes it best when he's loosened up a bit, letting himself  feel things without micromanaging them. Right now, Patrick can tell Jonny is thinking really hard, and he just wants him to _stop_.

"Stop thinking, asshole," Patrick says, and then leans in to kiss him.

It's weird - actually putting his mouth on Jonny's mouth, he means. Like, he knows that it's _his_ mouth and that's _Jonny's_ mouth but it doesn't really get to him until Jonny kisses him back, arms and hands not knowing where to go and lips a little clumsy. But that's okay, that's totally okay, because this is their _first_ kiss and they can learn until the slide of their lips are effortless, and there's no hesitance in the opening of mouths and the sliding of tongues. Patrick hasn't made out with that many people (not as many as Jonny, for sure) and he's not really expecting the amount of enthusiasm he feels for this, the pure _excitement_ he's getting out of Jonny gripping at his neck. They move apart to breathe, and Jonny's got his mouth on Patrick's neck now, which Patrick quickly realises is _fucking awesome._ Patrick doesn't have some claiming kink or anything but as Jonny works him over, Patrick almost hopes he leaves some sort of mark. Patrick wants Jonny to take his shirt off, and he tries to tells him amidst the "fucks" but then Jonny starts thinking again and stops.

He backs off, his eyes wild, and Patrick wants to tap that _so hard_.

But then he looks closer at Jonny and - _shit._ Patrick knows Jonny's panic face, and this is it.

"Are you - are you okay?" Patrick says, breathing a little bit faster than he would like. It makes him feel like he's not in control. "This isn't some like, gay panic thing or something right?"

" _No_ ," Jonny says, shaking his head. " _No."_

"Then?" Patrick says, getting a little angry now. What the fuck, right? That was really fucking great, and he knew it wasn't just _him_ that thought so, so why is Jonny clamming up?

"I'm not - we're hockey players," Jonny says.

Patrick looks even harder at Jonny, still a little dazed from the whole making-out shtick. "What?"

"You know," Jonny says. It sounds like he's in a daze too, reverting back to tidy little sound bites. "Athletes can't be..."

Patrick wants Jonny to _melt_ under his gaze. "Ugh, don't give me that bullshit, Jonny. We aren't in the freaking NHL or anything, okay? We're in _high school_. The fact that you want to maybe _fuck_ a guy won't make the front page of like, _Deadspin_ , or anything. You know that, right?"

"Don't condescend -" Jonny starts to say, frustratingly. "Yeah. I know that, _alright_? But people expect some things of us and -"

"Don't think that I believe this for a second," Patrick says. "You don't give a shit about what people think about you so -"

"I just don't feel that way about you, okay!" Jonny interrupts, his eyebrows furrowed together. He still refuses to meet Patrick's gaze square on, which frankly, is pissing him off a little bit. (Well, a lot.) "We're friends. Good friends. That's just. I don't want to mess that up."

Patrick looks at Jonny incredulously. "What the fuck? First you say you don't like me that way, and now we're not even best friends? Fuck you."

"That's another thing," Jonny says. He runs his hand through his hair distractingly. "We argue all the time.  We never stop fucking disagreeing. You think that's healthy in a relationship?"

"Oh," Patrick says, laughing bitterly. "You think this is a _relationship now?"_ He snorts. "All I wanted to do was fuck. Okay? You must have been blind to see that that wasn't coming. We've been leading up to it for _weeks_."

"Have we?" Jonny asks, as if he didn't realise what he was doing when he pinned Patrick to the _kitchen counter_. Jesus. Patrick didn't believe that for _one second_. Jonny is infuriatingly observant - he knows when shit is right and when it isn't, and that's part of why he makes such a good captain. He looks and he plans and he sets things right. It's what Jonny does.

"Yeah." Patrick sighs. "Okay. I don't know what's up with you but, I'm over it. I just. You  can just leave."

"See?" Jonny says, and then huffs like he's a _parent_ and Patrick is his misbehaving child. "This is why, Kaner."

"I just -" Patrick sighs deeply. He lowers his voice, almost at a whisper, and he thinks he's a little broken. At least, like a part of him isn't really there. "I don't get it."

Jonny worries as his bottom lip for a bit, and he looks like he hasn't said all that he has to say. He stays silent though, looking at Patrick one last time before standing up, walking to the door. He pauses at the door and keeps a hand on the knob for a few more beats, but then makes up his mind and walks out.

Patrick immediately flings himself onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling like it was the cause of all his problems. Patrick was _so, so_ sure that him and Jonny were going to skip that part of the novel - where the protagonist and love interest hit a bump and both of them are miserable for a portion of time before some event forces them together again, and, man. Patrick just _really_ hates this part.

 

 

Patrick  _loves_ sleeping, so it's a surprise to him too when he stays awake till three freaking am, thinking about Jonny. It's not like Patrick is love sick or anything, okay, he's perfectly capable of functioning without Tazer at his side, but it's just his mind won't stop coming up with possibilities. By two am Patrick has come up with at least four ridiculous possibilities why he doesn't want to sleep with Patrick,  _none_ of which can be true.

One of them includes the idea that Jonny was brainwashed as a child to not accept True Love and to run away at its earliest opportunity, as True Love will stand in the way of him bringing his team to Stanley Cup victory, which well is frankly the dumbest thing Patrick has ever come up with, but it's  _Canada_ and who knows what they do over there. Canadians are crazy about their ice hockey, and maybe they have like, really accurate psychics over there too.

The scenarios actually make Patrick feel a little better - because Patrick inherently knows there _must_ be an actual reason why Jonny ran away. Patrick is pretty confident in the idea that Jonny is attracted to him, if the boner he was sporting is any indication. But he guesses that Jonny will come to him when he's ready, or something - and if he doesn't, then Patrick will show up at Jonny's house and get his mother to talk some sense into him. Jonny's mother is pretty badass, and he knows she'll get shit done.

With that in mind, Patrick drifts off to sleep at three am, dreaming of slamming Jonny into the ice.

  


  


It's _terrible_. How does Patrick not anticipate how terrible not having Jonny around him will be? They aren't bonded at the soul or anything but Patrick's pretty sure that they were bonded at like an _emotional level._ It sounds really cheesy but that's the only explanation for how Patrick is actually looking sideways for Jonny's profile when he grabs something from the cafeteria. They even waited in line with each other like every day, Jesus.

"Hey," Patrick says as he slides into his seat at the table, barely registering the greetings he gets in return. He flashes a smile at Sharpy because he's talking to Abby (and they're official now or whatever which is pretty impressive and Patrick's happy for the both of them) and then swipes some fries off Seabs' tray, ignoring the phantom admonishing voice of Jonny floating around his ear. Phantom Jonny is just as annoying, and he scowls a little.

"Where's Tazer?" Patrick says, all off-handedly, hoping to come off as super calm. Patrick is the worst liar ever though, but Seabs doesn't say anything (bless his soul) and just shrugs.

"Don't know," Seabs says. "Thought he'd be coming in with you."

"Nope!" Patrick chirps, a bit too loud and it makes Seabs laugh at him. Nervously, probably. Either way, it makes things a little uncomfortable and Patrick is a little uncomfortable and he suddenly wishes he didn't even bother to get out of bed today. It's been a week since that confrontation with Jonny and Patrick hasn't even heard a peep out of him, except for practice. And even then he avoids Patrick, only glancing at him when passing to him in drills. It's so stupid because Jonny's acting like it was Patrick who did something wrong, when they both _know_ it wasn't. It's all Jonny. Really.

Well maybe not _all_ Jonny. They're both really shitty at communicating, and Patrick doesn't think that he got his point of view across all that well, too busy being so _angry_ at - at Jonny's rejection that he didn't even bother to just sit down and talk about it. So, they both aren't good with feelings, fuck, what else is new, right?

"Probably around here somewhere," Seabs says,  looking around non-commitedly.

"Yeah," Patrick says. He shrugs. "Uh. Do you want to hang out after school?"

Seabs stares at him a little like he's crazy which like, _hey_ , because Patrick is definitely on hanging-out terms with like all of the team. So what if prior to today the hanging out usually involves Jonny, it's not like they're attached at the hip. He starts to think back to a time when he's hung out with Seabs without Jonny, and he can't think of one. That's really fucking tragic, Patrick thinks. Maybe it's good to take a break from Jonny.

"Sure," Seabs says, finally. "Duncs, too."

He doesn't frame it like a question, not that Patrick was expecting him too, and he's cool with that. As long as he's not stuck at home playing Mario Kart with his sisters or lying in bed thinking about Jonny or sitting at the computer looking at Jonny's Facebook profile, then he can call today a victory. Besides, they'll probably do something like grab pizza, which, man. Patrick can eat pizza all day, every day, no playing. And the best part is it'll be like a fuck you to Jonny's healthy eating plan, which will probably taste pretty good in Patrick's stomach; _hell yes_.

"Yeah, man," Patrick says earnestly. "Meet you at the front?"

"Okay," Seabs says. "Uh. Anything up with you and Tazer anyway?"

" _What_?" Patrick says, trying to act like he's surprised. "Nah. I think we're just trying to get a little space from each other, you know. It's cool."

"Doesn't look too cool to you," Seabs says, doing a quick up-and-down look on him.

"What?" Patrick says. "I look fine!"

"Mhmm," Seabs muses, and he sort of smiles, which means Patrick has to sort of smile too. Patrick bounces a lot off other people's energy, so it makes sense that he's a lot more subdued with people he doesn't know as well. Seabs is still a bro, but he's not Sharpy or Jonny.

 

 

When they get to the pizza place (ha, Patrick knew it) they see _Jonny_ there. Patrick is playing it cool, staring at the plastic menu even though he knows exactly what he's going to get, and tapping his fingers against the laminate. He looks pretty keyed up, and he knows it, but Seabs and Duncs ignore it, thankfully. They're talking about a game, which is really safe waters, and exactly what Patrick needs.

Finally, Seabs can't ignore it anymore and jerks his head towards Jonny. "Jonny's over there."

"Yeah," Patrick says. "I saw him."

"Are we going to say hi?"

"I don't know," Patrick replies, mind dancing between Jonny and whether he's going to order Coke or a rootbeer. "It looks like he's waiting for someone."

Jonny hasn't noticed them yet, which is the pinnacle of all miracles, because it's not like this place is massive and like Patrick said, Jonny is an observant guy. He is _super_ engrossed in his phone though, like he's in church and his phone is the Bible, or something. Maybe Jessica is still sending him Snapchats.

But then - get this - Jessica walks right into the pizza shop, and Patrick wants to do something dramatic like smack his forehead into the table, but it would definitely hurt, and also Patrick is hardly even that surprised anymore. He's just accepting that some teenage girl is writing his and Jonny's love story, and he's going right along with it. These kind of stories always end with a happy ending, don't they? It would be so unsatisfying to the audience if it wasn't, seriously. _And_ really unsatisfying to Patrick's dick.

"I thought Jonny broke up with her," Duncs chimes in.

"He did," Patrick says, frowning. On one hand he wants to watch Jonny's face during this conversation. On the other hand he really wants to order his fucking pizza. He really thinks he deserves pizza right now.

"Scandalous," Seabs intones.

"Let's order," Patrick declares, waving a waitress over and grinning wide at her. She seems unaffected, but it's not like Patrick is expecting her to slip him her number. He just thinks being nice to people isn't such a bad  idea. They put in their orders (Patrick settles on a Coke) and even though they don't say it, hunker down to watch the show.

Jonny still has his blank look on his face, but if Patrick squints he can tell he may be scared. If that's not enough, Jonny's jangling his leg a little bit under the table, which is definitely not a good sign. That means Jonny is _nervous_ and like, what the hell does that mean?

They order, and Jessica reaches across the table a little and - swear to God - takes Jonny's hand in hers. Who the hell still does that? Jonny quirks that fake smile that makes Patrick dance a little inside (this meeting was so not his idea, _so_ not) but then he _squeezes_ her hand. This makes Patrick stop dancing (mentally he was doing the Kaner Shuffle which is _badass_ ) abruptly.

"I'm getting mixed signals here," Duncs says, sipping a little on his drink.

And that's when Patrick realises they would look really hilarious - three teenage boys gathering around to watch Jonny and his ex interact in their natural habitat, eyes glued on every move. It reminds Patrick of some screencaps of this scene he saw online of _Sex in the City_ where the main characters all gather around a window to see some people fuck. (Just screencaps - Patrick swears on his grave.)

"Yeah, dude," Patrick says. "Like, that's Jonny's I-don't-want-to-be-here look, but he doesn't really encourage people like that you know? The hand thing?"

"Mhm, Jonny is definitely a clean break kind of guy," Seabs says. "The only person he really keeps coming back to is you." He grins.

They chirp him for a bit, but it stills Patrick's breath when he realises that it's true. Jonny _is_ a clean break kind of guy, Seabs is right. Once him and someone he's seeing or whatever has an argument, that's it. He tends to leave it alone and not approach it again, _except with Patrick_. Obviously Patrick and Jonny aren't actually going out, but you know, they're close. And Jonny's right, they do argue all the time. Sometimes it'd be pretty big arguments too, blown out of proportion, and it would make Patrick drive to the nearest skating rink and just let himself go on the ice. Nothing but the ice. Didn't matter if other people were there, it just makes him feel better. But Patrick always apologises and Jonny always apologises, because that's who they are. Outside of their arguments they get along so well and it feels so right that it's never really a question. Until, of course, now.

Finally, Jonny spots them. At first it doesn't really dawn on him what he's seeing, and Patrick knows the moment it does. Patrick smirks because Jonny looks like he's being caught in something, which he guesses he is, but it's not like it's anything illegal. And Patrick's not Jonny's guard dog - he can do what he likes. Somehow though, Jonny still looks guilty as hell, but Patrick just sips on his Coke and takes a bite out of his pizza, trying to look like he doesn't give a shit. At all.

"This is beautiful," Seabs says. "Beautiful."

Patrick gets what he means, because it's not every day you see Jonny look like he's out of his element. At some point Jessica realises that Jonny's attention isn't on her, and she looks behind to see them staring back at them. She has a puzzled look on her face, and turns back to talk to Jonny, and Patrick realises this would be a really good time to leave. He's just getting really sad, really fast, almost like he was feeling that this all along but through pure _stubbornness_ refuses to believe it.

It's getting to him now, though, the cold reality that Jonathan Toews isn't is, and won't really ever be his. It's sitting at the bottom of his stomach, hard lead, and he wonders if this is how it's always going to feel when he looks at Jonny. He's so beautiful, and the worst part of it is that he's actually _not_. Objectively, Jonny's not the greatest looking guy in the world, but that's not what Patrick sees when he looks at him and that's what makes him angry. When Patrick _looks_ at Jonny he sees lust and want and love, and he wonders who gets to decide that. It's not fair. _It's not fair_.

Patrick saw this movie with Jonny in the holidays (Jonny picked, and it was a total Jonny movie, they had to go to an independent cinema and everything) and in this one part the main character said something about how he thought he had felt everything he was going to feel, and that everything he felt from now on  are just lesser versions of what he'd already felt. Well, Patrick feels like this is one of those moments. One of those moments where Patrick is feeling _so much_ , sitting here in this pizza place with Jonny on the other end of the room, that he doesn't know how he's ever going to feel anything more. He's pretty sure that if he sits here looking in Jonny's direction any longer he's going to cry, which is fucking _dumb_ , so he leaves quickly with curt farewells to Duncs and Seabs and he sits in his car and feels.

When Patrick was thirteen, his dad had come into his room to talk about things. Not really The Sex Talk (maybe a little bit of The Sex Talk, but there weren't that many gory details) but just, a Talk. It was one of those things that felt really important, so Patrick listened, even though he had a shooter game on pause. Patrick had sat there, on the bed, while his dad talked about how he shouldn't ever be ashamed of what he's feeling. Ever. Afterwards, he thought the whole thing was pretty gross, but it kind of made an impression.

So Patrick sits in his car, feels what his body and mind wants him to feel, takes deep breaths, and goes home.

  


  


He wakes up three nights later to a text from Jonny.

_let's meet up. tomorrow at 1pm?? lunch._

He's so tired that he agrees.

 

 

Patrick probably looks horrible - he hasn't washed his hair in like, two days and it's a blonde mess on top of his head, and he doesn't bother with clothes. After all they're probably going to be going to some fast food place anywhere so it's not like nice clothes is a requirement. Of course, he's going to see Jonny, but Jonny's seen him puking his guts on in some stranger's toilets, so he thinks it's okay.

Jonny looks like a Canadian-Sex-Robot-God when he picks Patrick up, all polite and neutral but also looking decent in a button up. Patrick should have worn a button-up, but he's just got on some sloppy band t-shirt of a band he doesn't even like anymore. He's pretty sure he also got like two new pimples overnight or something, which is fucking ace.

"Hey, how are you?" Jonny says when Patrick slides in the car, and Patrick bites back a 'fuck you'. They ride in mostly silence, except for the radio.

When they get to the place (okay, not fast food, but a nicer Thai takeaway place that provides tables and chairs) Jonny looks a tad constipated, like he's holding back all these words, although Patrick thinks that's a bit of a stretch. They sit down, pursue menus, and ignore why they came to eat lunch in the first place.

"I think I owe you an explanation," Jonny says finally, after they finish ordering.

"Wow, really?" Patrick says.

"Don't be a dick," Jonny mutters. He doesn't look at Patrick. "I just want to make this right."

" _Al_ right," Patrick says. "Have at it."

"Okay," Jonny says. He looks a little like someone is ripping off his fingernails. "I'm not together with Jessica."

Patrick just feels relief, although he says, "Whoop de fucking doo."

"Shit, you're not making this easy, Kaner," Jonny says.

He shrugs.

"Okay - so you remember at that party?" Jonny gives Patrick time to remember, although _of course_ he knows what party Jonny is referring to. "I told you that Jessica was sending me snapchats of her and her new boyfriend? Um. That was a lie."

"I _knew_ it!" Patrick exclaims, although he doesn't really. Although now that he thinks about it, that wrecked face that Jonny was sporting was totally not in the realm of shitty-ex-pictures, it was like in a different dimension. Patrick knew that Jonny wouldn't look that torn up about, seriously.

Jonny catches Patrick out on the lie, and raises his eyebrows. Patrick swallows the idea that he missed that look, thoroughly.

"She wanted to get back together," Jonny says, "she threw back everything I said in my face. She had all these points, these fucking _goals_ that we could meet, rubrics, as if our relationship was a game or something, you know? One of the things I told her when we broke up was that I didn't feel like this was going anywhere, so she sent me... _that_. And then she said that I finally had something concrete I could control." He grits his teeth a little. "Why the fuck would I be happy about something like that?"

Patrick stares at Jonny a little, and then he can't stop his laughter from bubbling out. This girl was a _legend_. Did she actually - did she actually insult Jonny in revenge under the pretence of 'wanting to get back together with him'? Holy shit.

After seeing Jonny's eyes, he stops himself, and coughs a bit to cover up the end of it. "Uh, sorry."

"Yeah, so, I was just meeting up with her, to you know. Talk about it. And why I couldn't get back together with her, _obviously_."

"Obviously," Patrick repeats.

"So, that's part one," Jonny says. "Part two...I guess, why I ran out on you like that."

"Ah yes," Patrick says, pointing a fork at him. The food arrives, piping hot, and Patrick sighs a little happily. He gets a weird look from Jonny, but like, Thai food is _the best_. Well, not as good as his mom's homemade maybe, but you know. Still good. "You know I came up with the _funniest_ explanations for that. Like, you're secretly a Canadian spy who's infiltrating America and accidentally got too close to me, and if we were to finally declare our love you'd be killed or something."

Jonny can't help a scoff. "Canadian _spy?_ Do all your explanations have something to do with the fact that I'm Canadian in it?"

Patrick rolls his eyes up as if he's thinking, spoons some Pad Thai into his mouth and nods. "Yeah. Canada, man. All sorts of whacky shit happens there."

"You're the lamest," Jonny says.

"Nuh-uh," Patrick protests, "you are. You colour co-ordinate things. Aren't your shoes colour co-ordinated? Who even owns that many shoes?"

Jonny rolls his eyes. "So. Do you wanna know why I ran out?"

"Yes!" Patrick says. "Yeah. I mean, it definitely isn't because you don't like me that way, right?"

Patrick is looking down at his food, his fork gathering up the noodles. He hears Jonny sigh, and he's immediately trying to catalogue whether that was a Good Sigh or a Bad Sigh. There were signs.

"Look at me, Kaner," Jonny says.

When Patrick does, he's got a version of his Captain Face on, except _not_. It's one of those faces where he's like, captaining just Patrick and not the whole team, which means it's a little softer. Like he's consciously trying to show empathy in there, or something.

"I don't really know how to say this because there isn't some like, giant other-worldly explanation that encompasses Canada, alright?" Jonny pauses, ripping up the napkin in his hands. "There's just me."

"Uh," Patrick says. "That's fine, Jonny. I didn't really expect you to be a vampire, or anything like that."

Jonny has a sick look on his face. "Vampire. Right. Well,  I did panic. But it wasn't over the gay thing, not really. It was over the fact that you're Patrick Kane."

Patrick makes a hurt noise.

" _No_ , no, Pat. Just listen to me." He sounds a little desperate. "You're the best thing about me right now. There's hockey, and then there's you. And the best thing is, is that I can have them _together_. You represent everything good about me, okay? And I was just so scared of messing that up. So scared of messing you up."

Patrick listens, waits.

"You're so fucking...I'm not good with relationships," Jonny says, finally. "That's just the thing. I screw them up. I get scared that the other person doesn't like me enough, so I break it off. I get scared that I'm not doing well enough in the relationship, not giving enough, so I break it off. I...I'm scared I can't control things the way I want it."

"So you get to decide that _for_ me?" Patrick says, heat behind the words. "Jonny...fuck. You know that you don't have to be the only one in the relationship, right? I'm here too. I'll _tell_ you if you're being a giant dick, okay? When have I ever not, asshole?"

"Never," Jonny admits.

"You don't have to be the best in something like this," Patrick says. "Like sure, we could probably be the best fucking couple that Buffalo has ever seen -" here Jonny smirks - "but you don't have to be the best within us, alright? We can be good, together. I really think we can be good together." Patrick breathes out.

He remembers then, that they are seventeen, and they get scared so easily. They don't really _know_ how any of this works, and that's the best thing about it. Him and Jonny can figure it out, and the idea of it makes a funny feeling in his chest. They are going to be _awesome_.

 Jonny makes a weird sound. "Together."

"Yeah."

"Jesus, Pat," Jonny says, at a whisper. "I've been thinking about you."

Patrick grins. "About me...how?"

 

Jonny and Patrick don't finish their Pad Thai or their spring rolls, but Patrick thinks that's okay, because they'll always be more Pad Thai and spring rolls. But this moment will only come once, the beginning of Jonny and Patrick, Jonny whispering in Patrick's ear how many times in the past week he's jerked off to this, his hands tapping impatiently on the wheel, Patrick mentally sending signals to traffic lights to hurry the hell up. As Jonny's hand is on Patrick's dick, he thinks absently that he can now bump up the percentage that Patrick is sure Jonny knows about his man crush from ninety-nine point three to a hundred percent.

And the greatest thing is, is that now Patrick is a hundred percent sure that Jonny feels the same. 


End file.
